Hi interneters!! Me and my throwback fro send you the warmest and kindest regards in this cold and cruel winter! I hope this blog post finds you well and most of all that you are going strong with your resolutions and goals! Remember it doesn't matter how many times you fall, what matters is that you got up!
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I was racking my brain thinking about what to write about for this fortnight's release. At the least expected time (I will not allude to it because it's rather intimate....ok I was showering!) It dawned on me that I'd come a long way and grown in certain ways in a short space of time though I still have a long way to go. I began to remember my teenage years and how much of them were spent either in strife, depression and in tears! I began to remember the things my dearly departed grandmother used to say which didn't take form till now and some of the lessons my parents told me through their words and their actions. An overwhelming sense of joy filled my heart, nothing beats seeing and feeling growth and change. At this point I was dressed and moisturised FYI!!!
There's a saying that goes "the man who knows something knows that he knows nothing at all.
This leads me to my first lesson;
• You don't know everything- get over it.
The more I realise that there is more to learn, know and grasp and what I have spent 21 years learning and knowingly and unknowingly is just merely the tip of the iceberg. In my teens I knew it all, adults were annoying and often went out of their ways to annoy me.
The general dialogue in my household went as follows: What, I can't get those shoes? You just don't want me to have nice things. Bills? You want to pay bills? You're lying to me you have money you just don't want me to have what I want and see me happy. I hate you and you're ruining my life!!!! *insert tears and a door slam*
It was then a triumphant moment when I came across their picture:
The fact that I was amused by it and not a single eye roll was made is a true testament to the fact that it takes time but the "brat virus" will pass your system. I also love and respect my mother even more. Some of the harsh lessons I learnt in life, in the workplace and in relationships could have been less painful had I listened. Not one for the "shoulda coulda woulda" stance I look at all the pain and tough lessons as blessings. Certain things I had to see for myself and get burnt so I know not to play with fire.
• Your parents see your fake friends/ boyfriends before you do-
Let me go on record and say that mother has a sixth sense for bull excriment! I've introduced her to so many people and she's told me to either be careful or cut ties completely and has turned out to be right in the long run. This is not to say I listened! I shrugged it off and ended up hurt, disappointed but all the more richer for it! When parents tell you they don't like your boyfriend/ girlfriend upon introduction it's either one of two things. 1) they either see aspects of themselves at that age, in them and can only imagine the motives, priorities and ideas running through their young heads. After all it takes one to know one, reformed or not.
2) they once knew a Jimmy (or whomever) type who has the same tendencies as your boyfriend and he ended up sowing his wild oats around the neighborhood and breaking many hearts in the process, on his way to jail!
To say you grow more judgemental with age tarnishes the good nature of your growing intuition. Judging body language, first impressions and motives become second nature with maturity! Let me tell you how an xray has nothing on my mother! She sees through it all and I've learnt to rely on that and also listen to my inner guide for signs guidance.
• Life is lived in seasons
Change is a big part of life that we face on a regular basis. Some change comes as a result of a conscious effort while some other change is simply out of our hands and we have to adapt to it. However there are times we don't see change and get frustrated because things aren't going our way. Frustration comes when we lose sight of the bigger picture be it a goal, dream or a promise or we fail to achieve instant gratification. The knowledge however that life is lived in seasons which are subject to change because as time remains, seasons will change and things don't stay the same, is sure to combat any worries and frustrations. It's hard to keep the bigger picture and hold on to this notion when times are hard. Detaching yourself from your problems, looking retrospectively and introspectively will give you the chance to see progress, appreciate and process.
I remember being frustrated after my heart procedure, I was in a lot of pain, weak and unable to get out of bed. After fighting for my life I was tired as I was on the outside, internally. It took me seeing that this was a season for me to build strength and character to restore some level of peace to my healing process.
When I looked back I saw what I can only describe as God's grace through tough times. I realised I couldn't have made it through and it could have been worse. I spent a lot of time whining about the summer I was missing and all the goals I had set but was unable to pursue and accomplish. I felt useless until I looked at all the blessings in the process. I was able to reconsider my goals and dreams, a had a new found depth and appreciation for life.
I was ready for the next season of going after my passion with vigour and accomplishing the goals I'd spent nights crying about not being able to accomplish. I got to appreciate that in the season I got to rest, dream, imagine, write and create as I had nothing but time. I simply couldn't be frustrated about things I couldn't change any longer and this prayer came to mind:
• Worry is a waste of energy
This one is a daily struggle for most people as it is for me, I'm working on it and it's a daily effort. Generally worry is fear and dread of what could be that comes from not knowing an outcome whilst not being in position to change it. I'm naturally predisposed to worry, my grandmother was the chief worrier of the century and it's one thing I inherited from her that I've had to work hard to disinherit!
Remember the last time you worried about something? I have two questions for you:
1) Did your worry alone change the situation and outcome?
2) That big old thing you were worried about,when and if it came true, did it kill you?
If you're reading this I'm guessing your answer to number two is no and to number one is most probably no too!
Worry is rooted in fear and fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. It gets you to live through potentially bad things twice, first time in your head (a dramatised version with the worst case scenarios and outcomes) and then when it happens. I've learnt through experience that worry is a waste of calories! I could be using the same passion and energy to either pray about it or do something about it. That's the thing, worrying is idle. It only takes over when you allow it to do so and if you focus your mind on the wrong things.
I had to say to myself, "my health comes first, if I can't change it, it's out of my hands and it's in better hands if it's not in mine. Some burdens are not for you to carry!"
• Money talks but character speaks louder
I used to be impressed [keyword] impressed by flashy things, money, cars, designer fashion and all the trappings of an opulent lifestyle. I used to equate it to respectability and looked up to the person who had obtained it or displayed it. It was until I got to an age of interacting with men of a certain affluence and made friends with females with nice things. I got to see some of the shallowness [from not all but some] some people who were owned by their possessions and reputation.
I dated a guy who had a money but didn't treat anyone, including me, with respect. That bubble burst quickly! I got to learn the importance of character over reputation and affluence. Picture a guy who drives a Spyker C8 and is wearing a Tom Ford suit, a Rolex, Christian Louboutin loafers and looks like the second coming of Pierce Brosnan meets Geoff Goldblum with a hint of Denzel Washintgon and smells like angel tears and cinnamon. Sound perfect? Well he does to me anyway I like old men! But imagine then being on a date with him and he talks down to the waiters, isn't attentive to you, shows up late with no excuse or remorse and won't stop talking about himself. All of the money and possessions pale to isignificance! Good morals and a good character are far more valuable than money and status.
I've learnt that you must treat everyone the same from the janitor to the president. Treat everyone with respect, love and warmth and anyone who isn't capable of doing the same doesn't belong in my close circle! Remember reputation is what people think of you, character is who you are when no one is watching.
• Opinions- if it doesn't pay your bills or die for your sins on a cross, it doesn't deserve your time or energy
This is self explanatory. This time last year I went through a character assassination by way of gossip and other low down practises at my expense. This was done by people I had loved and trusted. So much that I valued their opinions more than my family and despite my mother's warning about the people I pushed her away and gravitated towards them. When it came to my attention what had been said about me and done to me I was so hurt. I've never felt no greater pain bar grief.
This however toughened me. It taught me that I know who I am, I know where I'm going, I know my intentions and I know my motives. No one can then change that with their opinion however it's delivered, via gossip or to my face. Have you ever seen a "hater" that is doing better than you? Doesn't the notion of pulling you down itself depend on you being higher? So then count it a joy that you're polarizing!
People will always talk, they will always have an opinion, as long as what you're doing is good and wholesome pay no mind to them. Don't apologize for who you are! What they think of you won't put money in your pocket stop staying up at night worrying about what they say or what they will say!!!
• Your opinion isn't fact or bible
Again the same applies to yourself! We spend our whole lives developing and discovering ourselves. It's innate in us to to serve self and the whole idea of ego revolves around our natural predisposition to seek and serve self over others. We are quick to judge others but naturally justify ourselves. It's human nature and something we have to consciously work on order to be partial and empathetic towards others. So when it comes to opinions and what you think of others, it really doesn't have a bearing on their identity. Their truth and their motives and what they do and don't deserve doesn't revolve around your perception of them. This makes the concept of hate, jealousy and judgment null and void as it does nothing but harm whoever plays host to them. Be it in their heart, character and actions. Hate is pointless!
For instance I was outraged Trayvon Martin's murder case. I remember vividly feeling an overwhelming sense of grief and anger when I woke up to the news that George Zimmerman had been acquitted of his charges and was a free man; on my birthday. His trial had been on July 13th 2013 and because of the time difference the UK where I'm based and the US where the case took place and received wide coverage, I found out the verdict on my birthday morning on the 14th.
I felt that he deserved his own quarters in hell's hottest chamber alongside the devil himself. I alongside a multitude of others, driven by compassion for Trayvon and his family, hated Zimmerman and wished every misfortune to befall him and his bloodline. However my stance changed when I realised that my hate for him didn't mean that he wouldn't sleep at night nor would it make it a difference to his livelihood. I chose to pray for the Martin family and rest in the fact that for every measure of evil there is a recompense. What Zimmerman deserves will reach him in due time, karma has everyone's address.
In the mean time there are other injustices that we can individually pray for and collectively make a stand in order to see change. There's world hunger, human trafficking and war that we need to consider and try and change in any way we can.
• You only regret what you didn't do not what you've done! If anything it's a memory, a lesson or a blessing!
This is pretty much self explanatory! I've learnt to embrace everything that comes my way. I've learnt that courage isn't the absence of fear but act of facing what you fear regardless of how you feel. This is something that I want to grow in as time goes by because there are some things that still invoke trepidation in me. I believe the change starts in knowing then acting on it so come back to me in a couple of years and I hope to be able to give you a fearless report!
• Be like a child, think like there are no obstacles, be like a cat, always land on your feet!
I remember when I was a child, innocent, afflicted but not affected by some of the world's injustices. If I genuinely wanted something no one could dissuade me otherwise. My mother still speaks of my big faith from childhood, if I wanted something I would patiently wait and pray and one way or another I would get it. I'm talking from toys and dolls to books and money. If I asked for it, even if I got a no, I had a quiet confidence at a young age that got the attention of my parents. I've tried to hold on to that despite the dissapointments we all face and the status quo that makes it seem unreachable. I've learnt to dream without inhibitions and then practically make attainable goals in order to bring those dreams into fruition. Whatever happens I know that if I land on my feet, I can always dust myself off and try again.
Every failure is just another lesson on how no to do it next time. I found this quote encouraging: "Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."
I've learnt that the fear of failure should never deter you from doing anything you wish to do!
• Success happens when opportunity meets preparation, stay ready, stay hungry, stay dreaming and stay grafting
This is one thing I remind myself every day! Not a day goes by that my dreams don't cross my mind and the goals I've set in order to achieve them affect my daily routine! I know that it will pay off one day and it's some work towards my brand.
If you read this through to the end, thank you for bearing with me and my waffling! I hope you're encouraged and some of you don't have to make the same mistakes I made however I've never met a bad idea I didn't enjoy at some point so go out, grow and have fun but keep the injuries at a minimal!
I've posted some recipes and will continue to do so along with reviews and much more!!!
Much love and many blessings!
Kymmiisha
Xo
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