I hope this post finds you smiling!!! I've been a hermit on this blog and on theravenousreport.blogspot.com.....moreso than here actually!!! *insert gulity, sad but shameless face* because I've had some good times, made memories and learnt more about myself during my hiatus.
Productivity report
I succeessfully finished my music course with a grade (DMM) that was better than half the people on my course despite being in hospital, missing half the course. I can only give the credit to the grace of God and an amazing tutor who believed in me, was patient and did everything above and beyond his role to make sure I get my grades. I'll forver be grateful to Dave for that!
I also wrote a lot of songs and got a few llive performances and put my first rough demos on soundcloud of my original songs.....one step closer to them publishing cheques ;)!!!! For two of the performances I gave it my all and sang my butt off, ending up in hospital with breathing problems and a costochondritis flare up! To this day I still say I have ZERO regrets, you only live once and it may as well be musical and passionate! I also wrote an article for a women's magazine which will be coming out soon and I will share the experience with you guys on here.
Memories I made
My first post gives you my medical history and how I nearly lost my life but now I've got to a point of using those experiences to remind me to LIVE! Number one on my list was bring my friends closer and filling my days with memories and facilitating the fun so I can bring everyone together.
In the first picture it had rained on the day of my friend's birthday, literally torrential downpour with thunder and lightening. This put a dampener on our picnic plans but in lieu of cancelling and letting his day get ruined I rearranged my bedroom, filled it with candles, flowers and set up an indoor picnic with music and cocktails. I made a yummy lunch and we chatted away for hours! An epic example of making limoncello when life throws you lemons! Or lemonade if you're under 18!
The second picture is a beautiful night I shared with friends at a Vietnamese restaurant which I will do a review of soon on my food blog when eat there again! I reunited with friends I hadn't seen in here and brought new friends into my circle with old friends and it was a beautiful belated birthday blessing!
Larger than life
I was using my old pictures for promo and social media print work until one day something snapped. No it's want the button on my jeans! It was a sudden flashback to when I was at my skinniest and I stood in the mirror and promised to love myself at every size. At that point I didn't want to lose sight of why I was losing weight. It helped me lose weight from place of wholeness and self love with health in mind and not get caught up on dress sizes. It also silenced my insecurities from pushing me to go beyond what's healthy in pursuit of "body perfection."
Back at my heaviest it helped me to remember that this body is a temporary earthly shell that houses my spirit and my soul. I have to take care of it and listen to what it's telling me be it, eat better, rest more or excercise. However what lives on is my soul and spirit and they also need to be taken care of just as much. This helped me not get too caught up in my fat, cut myself some slack and work on the inside till I'm healthy enough to work on the outside through excercise. Meanwhile I'm dressing my lovely lady humps in flattering fashions and appreciating every lump, bump and trying to control the only thing I actually can control which is my diet!
Posting pictures from the shoot I took the above picture from with new music was liberating. I was no longer censored by the shame of weight gain and could show my whole body again. As sillyas this sounds, anyone who has had any body image issues would relate and would high give me right about now!
I waved goodbye to morphine and said hello to wine, cocktails and morning headaches! With side effects of mixing morphine and alcohol including severe motor skill impairment, addiction and increased likelihood of overdosing I steered cleared of all things booze for months. My doctor finally took me off morphine and revised my prescription. I now have a smaller stash of meds that include a dose of cocodamol that is classed as a controlled drug! I'm praying that one day I will be so healthy the only pills I have to take are vitamins! Till then I'm celebrating the small victories!
I am also drinking with caution because my body is not fully recovered YET but will be one day! I don't allow myself to get drunk anyway (biblical and moral reasons) and I stay hydrated to minimise hangovers and feeling worse than what my body has to deal with already.
Birthday blues
There was an array of anticlimactic events surrounding my 21st birthday. From fighting for my life and the weakness of having next to negative levels of haemoglobin in my blood I just couldn't do anything big. So I built my 22nd up to be a re-do and something big. Leading up to it though I felt better than I'd done last year considering I'm not set to have a heart surgery 12 days after my birthday, I got hit by the birthday blues. Nothing seemed worth it and things weren't going the way I wanted them to. I have to work hard at this because I struggle with this every year. I remember the night of my 20th birthday, bursting into tears when the clock struck midnight and feeling depressed about my birthday.
It's a huge battle for me and since I was once treated for depression. Although I kicked depression's butt and sent it running, I have to look at triggers and patterns that may be remnants of a depression plagued mindset in my life and nip them in the bud before they get too far. I will actually do a blog post based on my experiences on how I daily work at keeping a depression free mind even when my body is shutting down and I feel out of my depth.
I eventually got over myself, made plans and a list of birthday demands for my family to adhere to and it had a strong of fabulous birthday celebration lasting fortnight!
A moment ceased....
This above picture was taken at Shaka Zulu Camden. There was an African band playing beautiful drums with a singer and dancer. The atmosphere was so infectious and I felt daring enough to edge up closer to the band and shake my temple to beat of the African drum! It was so liberating and my friend Nicole who is a photographer managed to capture the moment perfectly!
Family time
The last few months including spring and summer have been full of changes for our family and we've been tested but it's brought us close together.....eventually. There have been times when I've wanted to just go away and leave everything behind, forget about it all. I remembered I need my cardiologist on speed dial and I need my mummy so I should probably just take a nap and regain perspective of my problems and CHILL! My brother and my best friend Shanaz have been bombarded by social media tags to funny stuff I spend my down time watching and cheering myself up with and it's just been a way for us to bond more. My daddy is just daddy! A complex human being I appreciate more and more as time passes but still perplexes me with his nuances and tendencies. However I love him more than even he knows.
As time goes on I'm learning to hold what's most important closest to my heart and letting go of what's fickle and fleeting including relationships, friendships, insecurities and certain ideals pertaining to my career. At the end of the day if I have God, my family, music and my close friends I'm good! Everything else will fall into place.
Bonus!!!
Here are some pictures I took upon my return to fitness albeit light walking, it's something!!!! I took pictures to resist the temptation of running and making my heart leap out of my chest!!! Wolff Parkinson White sufferers can relate....the change in heart rate from sudden movement or strain can only be felt to be believed! Add an irregular heart beat and a chance of cardiac arrest....running is something I'm slowly easing into with caution, doctor supervision and prayer! I managed to catch a sunset or two....here they are!
I'm sorry about the irregularity in my posts but some of this time off has been needed to regroup, regain my health and build life experience for me to share on this, my lifestyle journal! Thanks for bearing with me!
Kymmiisha
Xo
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