Back to business! Return to my lifestyle journal: summer, birthday andhealth update!

Oh hey blogosphere dwellers!

I hope this post finds you smiling!!! I've been a hermit on this blog and on theravenousreport.blogspot.com.....moreso than here actually!!! *insert gulity, sad but shameless face* because I've had some good times, made memories and learnt more about myself during my hiatus. 

Productivity report 

I succeessfully finished my music course with a grade (DMM) that was better than half the people on my course despite being in hospital, missing half the course. I can only give the credit to the grace of God and an amazing tutor who believed in me, was patient and did everything above and beyond his role to make sure I get my grades. I'll forver be grateful to Dave for that! 

I also wrote a lot of songs and got a few llive performances and put my first rough demos on soundcloud of my original songs.....one step closer to them publishing cheques ;)!!!! For two of the performances I gave it my all and sang my butt off, ending up in hospital with breathing problems and a costochondritis flare up! To this day I still say I have ZERO regrets, you only live once and it may as well be musical and passionate! I also wrote an article for a women's magazine which will be coming out soon and I will share the experience with you guys on here. 

Memories I made 

My first post gives you my medical history and how I nearly lost my life but now I've got to a point of using those experiences to remind me to LIVE! Number one on my list was bring my friends closer and filling my days with memories and facilitating the fun so I can bring everyone together. 

In the first picture it had rained on the day of my friend's birthday, literally torrential downpour with thunder and lightening. This put a dampener on our picnic plans but in lieu of cancelling and letting his day get ruined I rearranged my bedroom, filled it with candles, flowers and set up an indoor picnic with music and cocktails. I made a yummy lunch and we chatted away for hours! An epic example of making limoncello when life throws you lemons! Or lemonade if you're under 18! 

The second picture is a beautiful night I shared with friends at a Vietnamese restaurant which I will do a review of soon on my food blog when eat there again! I reunited with friends I hadn't seen in here and brought new friends into my circle with old friends and it was a beautiful belated birthday blessing! 

Larger than life 

First came the exercise ban (well I couldn't work out even if I tried,) then came the stress/ comfort eating and it just got fluffy from there. I struggled to come to terms with my weight gain and was so disappointed with myself especially after losing weight and being vocal about it and proud of myself.

I was using my old pictures for promo and social media print work until one day something snapped. No it's want the button on my jeans! It was a sudden flashback to when I was at my skinniest and I stood in the mirror and promised to love myself at every size. At that point I didn't want to lose sight of why I was losing weight. It helped me lose weight from place of wholeness and self love with health in mind and not get caught up on dress sizes. It also silenced my insecurities from pushing me to go beyond what's healthy in pursuit of "body perfection." 

Back at my heaviest it helped me to remember that this body is a temporary earthly shell that houses my spirit and my soul. I have to take care of it and listen to what it's telling me be it, eat better, rest more or excercise. However what lives on is my soul and spirit and they also need to be taken care of just as much. This helped me not get too caught up in my fat, cut myself some slack and work on the inside till I'm healthy enough to work on the outside through excercise. Meanwhile I'm dressing my lovely lady humps in flattering fashions and appreciating every lump, bump and trying to control the only thing I actually can control which is my diet!  

Posting pictures from the shoot I took the above picture from with new music was liberating. I was no longer censored by the shame of weight gain and could show my whole body again. As sillyas this sounds, anyone who has had any body image issues would relate and would high give me right about now! 

 Five a day (fermented grapes included)

I waved goodbye to morphine and said hello to wine, cocktails and morning headaches! With side effects of mixing morphine and alcohol including severe motor skill impairment, addiction and increased likelihood of overdosing I steered cleared of all things booze for months. My doctor finally took me off  morphine and revised my prescription.  I now have a smaller stash of meds that include a dose of cocodamol that is classed as a controlled drug! I'm praying that one day I will be so healthy the only pills I have to take are vitamins! Till then I'm celebrating the small victories!

 I am also drinking with caution because my body is not fully recovered YET but will be one day! I don't allow myself to get drunk anyway (biblical and moral reasons) and I stay hydrated to minimise hangovers and feeling worse than what my body has to deal with already. 

Birthday blues 

There was an array of anticlimactic events surrounding my 21st birthday.  From fighting for my life and the weakness of having next to negative levels of haemoglobin in my blood I just couldn't do anything big.  So I built my 22nd up to be a re-do and something big. Leading up to it  though I felt better than I'd done last year considering I'm not set to have a heart surgery 12 days after my birthday, I got hit by the birthday blues. Nothing seemed worth it and things weren't going the way I wanted them to. I have to work hard at this because I struggle with this every year. I remember the night of my 20th birthday, bursting into tears when the clock struck midnight and feeling depressed about my birthday.

 It's a huge battle for me and since I was once treated for depression. Although I kicked depression's butt and sent it running, I have to look at triggers and patterns that may be remnants of a depression plagued mindset in my life and nip them in the bud before they get too far. I will actually do a blog post based on my experiences on how I daily work at keeping a depression free mind even when my body is shutting down and I feel out of my depth. 

I eventually got over myself, made plans and a list of birthday demands for my family to adhere to and it had a strong of fabulous birthday celebration lasting fortnight! 

A moment ceased.... 

This above picture was taken at Shaka Zulu Camden. There was an African band playing beautiful drums with a singer and dancer. The atmosphere was so infectious and I felt daring enough to edge up closer to the band and shake my temple to beat of the African drum! It was so liberating and my friend Nicole who is a photographer managed to capture the moment perfectly! 

Family time

The last few months including spring and summer have been full of changes for our family and we've been tested but it's brought us close together.....eventually. There have been times when I've wanted to just go away and leave everything behind, forget about it all.  I remembered I need my cardiologist on speed dial and I need my mummy so I should probably just take a nap and regain perspective of my problems and CHILL! My brother and my best friend Shanaz have been bombarded by social media tags to funny stuff I spend my down time watching and cheering myself up with and it's just been a way for us to bond more. My daddy is just daddy! A complex human being I appreciate more and more as time passes but still perplexes me with his nuances and tendencies. However I love him more than even he knows. 

As time goes on I'm learning to hold what's most important closest to my heart and letting go of what's fickle and fleeting including relationships, friendships, insecurities and certain ideals pertaining to my career. At the end of the day if I have God, my family, music and my close friends I'm good! Everything else will fall into place.  

Bonus!!! 

Here are some pictures I took upon my return to fitness albeit light walking, it's something!!!! I took pictures to resist the temptation of running and making my heart leap out of my chest!!! Wolff Parkinson White sufferers can relate....the change in heart rate from sudden movement or strain can only be felt to be believed! Add an irregular heart beat and a chance of cardiac arrest....running is something I'm slowly easing into with caution, doctor supervision and prayer!  I managed to catch a sunset or two....here they are! 

I'm sorry about the irregularity in my posts but some of this time off has been needed to regroup, regain my health and build life experience for me to share on this, my lifestyle journal! Thanks for bearing with me!

Wet kisses and bear hugs!!!

Kymmiisha

Xo 

Waste not want not: recycled, reclaimed and re-loved!

Hello cyber family! I'm back!!! If that doesn't excite you I don't know what will!! I succeeded in putting the pro in procrastination and for that I offer you my sincerest apologies, life has been happening to a sista! 

The last time I posted on here I had come out of hospital after a week's stay with breathing problems and complications with costochondritis. Well in life's true fashion I went back in again, rushed with sirens and all for another week a month after that....and then the month after that with similar problems but more intense. With all of that and my music course wrapping up, me being so hard on myself and setting sky high goals and such, it's been a trying times. However I'm working on being grateful for the good days, letting bad days be like water off a duck's back and not let it take me off course with my goals and overall happiness! I will actually be doing a post entitled cook yourself happy: guide to comfort food on my food blog theravenousreport.blogspot.co.uk.

This post will be about how I recycled a lot of things to decorate my old room and my new room decor will be in the next installment. I upgraded and got a bigger, better and more grown up bedroom and I can't wait to share with you the thrifty ways and shortcuts I used to make into the haven that it is! 

This post is brought to you by this healthy snack. Summer is coming and one must get it right and get it tight! 

Jars for days! 

It's safe to say I'm addicted to collecting jars and it's out of the pure stigma related to the bizarre nature of my obsession that I won't show my collection. It's extensive including shop bought Kilner Jars and any pretty jar that I have fallen for. Don't judge me!! This jar once had yummy dill pickles in it....now it holds my flowers and serves many other purposes. See!! My obsession comes in handy at times. I do use most of them as drinking glasses much to my mother's bewilderment. 

More jars (don't judge)

This jar used hold scented wax and burnt for many nights until the wick ran out and I took the candle wax out, cleaned it and put my nail polish colours in it. Why you may ask...I don't know but it looks cool! 

Precious brushes 

I'm a firm believer in keeping clean makeup brushes and I ritualistically clean them often with my best shampoo and leave them to dry over night in the airing cupboard. In keeping with the theme of treating what helps make me look human  well, I enlisted the use of these old tea light holders I got for Christmas many moons ago. This way my brushes don't loose shape, the stay dry and fresh and they're more accessible. 

Books or shoes 

In my old room I had trouble with space and had to optimise every square inch of the small space. With this and my dream of one day owning a stupendous shoe closet with shelves for days, I started storing my shoes on a bookshelf. Above one that actually has books obviously! I had to start from somewhere! It was also amazing to go to sleep and wake up with my babies in my view everyday! 

All things to all accessories 

I seriously think I'm addicted to glass and wax because for the last year or two I've been decorating some wine bottles with candle wax. The bottles themselves not only hold my candles but also my bangles and dried flowers depending on the mood. This just goes to show that you can get many different uses out of anything you can find a purpose for. 

Let it burn

There goes them versatile wine bottles again!! Aren't they pretty? I kept these and they're in my new room looking even more amazing. It was beautiful to capture this scene at night with the scents and ambience! 

A box for life 

 Both these boxes came with amazing beauty hampers and the opportunity to minimize the clutter of having so many beauty and makeup products arose so I obliged. They are so pretty and add colour and texture to any room. I also have them in my new room and they bring character to my white walls. It's also cool to be able to find everything in one place and have it put so neatly. 

One man's trash......

Many moons ago with bought a huge loaf of panettone bread and it came in this stunning container. By now you must know how it goes.....it was so pretty and I thought it could work well as rustic, vintage inspired bin in my room. It's been so for the last few years and I love it!

As the saying goes, waste not want not, there are so many free and cheap alternatives to things that look way better and have much more character and they're just laying around your home. 

If you do have any cool pictures please tag me on any of my social media and hashtag #kymmiishadaily I would love to see your take on recycling and reloving! 

My Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are all @kymmiisha 

Happy rummaging!!! 

Love Kymmiisha

XO

Operation Recover and go back to college: First day out: Pancake Day

Hello cyberspace dwellers! I'm back for a sporadic installment of my lifestyle journal! It's been hard out here for a pimp, this time last week I was three days strong on a hospital stay on account of a Costochondritis flare up. Ever since leaving the hospital I hadn't left the house and it would be near impossible to go from being bed bound to being a part time pedestrian, full time student, public transport commuter and generally awesome human being. 

In an attempt to ween myself into some physical activity I left the house and headed to the town center to cover the Pancake Day Race and get some work done with my partners at St Albans District News. Next week I will be attempting a fully study week plus a hosting and performing gig so this assault course was a good introduction back to normality! 

 It was a beautiful day with blue skies and a true show of community spirit. Everyone from the mayor in all her regalia to local businesses and charities taking part in fancy dress even with the sponsorship of McDougalls who's parent company Premer Foods is based in St Albans showed up. I got a statement from them which will be part of my St Albans District News Article. I will be posting links to it on social media so stay tuned! My twitter is @kymmiisha by the way! 

Back to Pancakes, my mandatory pig out session at Merchants Tea and Coffee Company wasn't the only instance I dutifully adhered to the traditions of Pancake Day. I unashamedly had pancakes for dinner which I made myself at home. 

The picture above is the restaurant stack. Below is my attempt at home which I must say tasted better than and had a better texture than the ones at the restaurant, if I do say so myself. 

Not to be biased but I whisked mine and I will actually post the recipes for you. I know this is not my food blog where it's all about food and recipes but this week the recipe ties in with lifestyle experience this week, so I'm breaking my own rules! I'm also not posting the butterscoth recipe as it's a family secret with no recorded measurements and an innately precise execution! It just works and tastes good and I'm sure there are a lot of measured  and specified recipes for butterscoth sauce. 

For light and fluffy pancakes:

250g flour 

1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

2 eggs

150ml milk (or more if stodgy)

100ml melted butter 

50g sugar

Method:

Add flour, bicarbonate of soda, sugar, eggs and milk to mixing bowl and whisk till fluffy

Let the mixture rest in the fridge for 30 minutes 

Add melted butter and whisk to mix 

On medium heat, heat up pan with no oil

Pour in enough mixture according to desired size for one pancake

Cook on one side for 2 minutes until top is bubbling 

Turn over 

And cook for one or two more minutes

That's how I make my pancakes! With no oil in the pan so they aren't greasy and they're soft and fluffy. I served mine at home with yoghurt and blueberries on the side, slathered in butterscotch sauce. 

Apologies to anyone taking part in lent for the temptation but this is one for the recipe collection! 

Thanks for reading, until next time 

Kymmiisha

Xo

Winter warming coffee talk: health update (hiatus apology)

Hello my luscious loves! I'm back to posting on a more regular basis, building up to posting daily like it says on the tin! I'd like to first of all apologise for my silence, it's not out of a lack of content or passion for this blog and it's readers more so than it was about health challenges. 

After just over a month of staying out of the hospital, trying to act normal and attempting to maintain a long stint of good kilter, on January 23rd my health took a turn for the worst. I was at home on my own when I felt a sharp pain affecting my left side through my chest, collarbone, ribs and upper middle back. In panic I contacted my mother who rushed straight home from a meeting to be by my side at which time the ambulance arrived. I was to go on a scary experience going in and out of consciousness, reacting to Entonox (gas and air) with an elevated ECG whilst being rushed to hospital with sirens blazing. At this point I was being treated as a heart attack case because of what the ECG was showing and my history with Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome. 

To cut a long story short I ended up staying in hospital for four tough days and the elevated ECG and excruciating pain and breathing problems were diagnosed to be Costochondritis. It's a painful condition which involved  swelling of cartilage in my rib cage and chest wall thus the trouble breathing. It took up to three weeks after being discharged from the hospital to feel anything close to human and to survive without oromorphe, naproxen and cocodamol or any help breathing. 

During this time and as always my family were golden. They rushed to be by my side, they took days off to spend all day by my bedside as they often do, my brother brought me a late Christmas gift he'd bought me in San Francisco (pictured above) and my parents kept my fruit basket overflowing with enough food feed the whole ward. My extended family also travelled for hours to come and see me and my church family went into a season of prayer and fasting on my behalf for a month of Mondays ending last week, keeping our phones busy with encouragement and check up calls. One special church sister never fails to visit me bearing treats and always prays for me and she was another rock in this time. My cousin came and took me out for a drive when I was stuck in recluse mode forcing me out of my funk! All of the above and more left me feeling like 1) I'm more than a conqueror 

2) the good in my life outweighs the bad 

3) I'm going to make it out of this and I'm determined to make something of myself so these people's love and prayers count for something. I'm truly blessed to have so much love in my life and I don't take it for granted. 

As it stands I'm doing so much better and I have more faith than fear. I'm in hot pursuit of a music manager and a keyboardist/ guitarist to start rehearsing the songs I wrote in my down time  and prepare to gig over spring and summer. Some other amazing opportunities have presented themselves, the fruits of which you will see very soon!!! I'm so excited! 

I have a few performances coming up and I'm judging a local talent show and got some projects lined up with some so this stint of illness propelled me to be more fierce in the pursuit of my dream. 

In all this I've been forced to think, restrategise and get my life in order. First in line was putting my vision boards together and positioning them where I can see them and read them everyday! 

It's important to expand your dreams into clear set long term and short term goals. The more you see them and work on them everyday, the more of a chance you have to keep your focus and see them turn into a reality. 

Secondly and I'm still working on this, regular chats and coffee breaks with good friends who are the iron to my iron. Of late I've been meeting up with a treasured friend who gets me like no other, for coffee dates and catch ups with herself on a more regular basis and every time afterwards I feel like I've been to a spiritual spa! 

 

With the kids being present most of the time I've found instant joy and gratification being hopelessly maternal.  Such interaction has eased the winter blues and made me recover quicker. 

I would highly recommend anyone going through a tough time to spend some time with the children in your life once in a while and observe them. Here's why:

1) Kids are trusting, innocent and remain untainted or coarsened by dissapointments 

2) If a child wants something, there's nothing that can deter their hope and faith and they usually get what they want

3) Children have big imaginations that we all once had but in our quest for knowledge and education we rewired our brains into a numb state of rigid routine and facts. 

4) Kids always find a way to make everything they are doing fun. It may come as a nuisance to adults but if you observe kids, simple tasks turn into fun and though fun overtakes being thorough, they still have that quality in them that often disappears as you get older. 

Some may argue that children have nothing to worry about pertaining to money woes, work stress and family worries which makes it easier to be happy and carefree. To this I've always said that happiest people act like adults and think like children. 

That's not to invalidate the importance of maturity or the need to use skills of diplomacy and tact which kids naturally lack. It's  to implore adults to keep dreaming and believing, keeping grey clouds at bay, everything will fall in place as it should. 

As always thank you for reading. Warmth and love to all

Kymmiisha

Xo

Valentine's movie review and recommendation: Her (the movie) starringJoaquin Phoenix directed by Spike Jonz

Hello love bugs!!!! I'm so excited to bring you this valentine's film review and recommend probably the best movie I've ever seen. I'm a real movie head and have seen many movies and now being a writer trying to grow in my craft, I want to start doing in depth movie reviews without spoilers so here it goes! 

I want to preface this ode to a magnificent work of art by director Spike Jonz with the fact that I'm a hopeless romantic who hasn't experienced the love I deserve but still hasn't been calloused by my experiences and waiting patiently for a love that will feel right till the end. This notion was made all the more stronger and revived by the movie: Her. 

The movies centers around Theodore, a socially awkward thirty something professional who is very much a recluse, this is however the norm at the time which the movie is set. Most people are into heir highly developed technology more so than human contact. It almost chronicles someone's love affair with a Siri like entity blurring the lines of sexual and emotional contact and connection between a human and a computer operating system (OS). 

The man set off on an emotional journey forming a connection deeper than he could with a human woman with expected obstacles including technical glitches and the unhealthy nature of it all with obvious results in places and some suprises along the way. 

The movie was very moody and sepiated which made it somewhat comforting and and an easy watch. What made it scary for me was the how close to home if felt because some of the apects, though set in the future, it included exaggerated and advanced version of technogy which we have today. It also served as a forecast of where we could end up and a society with the way we depend on technology, social media and our gadgets. 

The protagonist in this movie was so relatable yet exhibited behavioural traits that are not so much common in this age of technology in our western society but could be seen in a lot of people today. A few people can relate to his affection less childhood, we can all certainly identify with the change of what's perceived to be the norm and our dependancy on inanimate objects and gadgets. I couldn't survive without my iPhone and sometimes use to write drafts and whole posts of my blogs when my laptop is down; my life is in my phone. It hit home for me how I too am in danger of losing a connection with present and tangible people in the room and yet connect with strangers on social media. 

There's also a dark undertone to this storyline and the sheer unhealthy nature of Theodore's relationship with his OS. It's just unheard of for a human to get hot, bothered and frisky with Siri in 2014 however it's a sign of the times we are heading to if we carry on numbing ourselves and losing touch with our friends, neighbours and society as this is set in the future. The fact that people can fall in love whilst online dating which would have been unfathomable in past decades but is very much the norm now, to be done with caution, makes the movie much more impactful and relatable. 

Please go out and watch this movie to understand this riveting story and be forewarned as to where we could end up as a people if we don't put our phones down and engage with the people around us. 

10 by 21......10 lessons I've learnt by the age of 21

Hi interneters!! Me and my throwback fro send you the warmest and kindest regards in this cold and cruel winter! I hope this blog post finds you well and most of all that you are going strong with your resolutions and goals! Remember it doesn't matter how many times you fall, what matters is that you got up! 

Before we get into the post please head over to www.theravenousreport.blogspot.com

It's my new blog where I talk all about food and nothing but food!!! Please subscribe for recipe emails, restaurant reviews and more!!! 

I was racking my brain thinking about what to write about for this fortnight's release. At the least expected time (I will not allude to it because it's rather intimate....ok I was showering!) It dawned on me that I'd come a long way and grown in certain ways in a short space of time though I still have a long way to go. I began to remember my teenage years and how much of them were spent either in strife, depression and in tears! I began to remember the things my dearly departed grandmother used to say which didn't take form till now and some of the lessons my parents told me through their words and their actions. An overwhelming sense of joy filled my heart, nothing beats seeing and feeling growth and change. At this point I was dressed and moisturised FYI!!! 

There's a saying that goes "the man who knows something knows that he knows nothing at all.

Even the bible in it's many translations clearly says the same in 1Corinthians 8:2. My favourite translation is the Complete Jewish Bible which pretty much says that  you may know something but you don't know it in the depth that you ought to or you think you know it. 

This leads me to my first lesson; 

• You don't know everything- get over it.

The more I realise that there is more to learn, know and grasp and what I have spent 21 years learning and knowingly and unknowingly is just merely the tip of the iceberg. In my teens I knew it all, adults were annoying and often went out of their ways to annoy me. 

The general dialogue in my household went as follows: What, I can't get those shoes? You just don't want me to have nice things. Bills? You want to pay bills? You're lying to me you have money you just don't want me to have what I want and see me happy. I hate you and you're ruining my life!!!! *insert tears and a door slam*

It was then a triumphant moment when I came across their picture:

The fact that I was amused by it and not a single eye roll was made is a true testament to the fact that it takes time but the "brat virus" will pass your system. I also love and respect my mother even more. Some of the harsh lessons I learnt in life, in the workplace and in relationships could have been less painful had I listened. Not one for the "shoulda coulda woulda" stance I look at all the pain and tough lessons as blessings. Certain things I had to see for myself and get burnt so I know not to play with fire. 

• Your parents see your fake friends/ boyfriends before you do-

Let me go on record and say that mother has a sixth sense for bull excriment!  I've introduced her to so many people and she's told me to either be careful or cut ties completely and has turned out to be right in the long run. This is not to say I listened! I shrugged it off and ended up hurt, disappointed but all the more richer for it! When parents tell you they don't like your boyfriend/ girlfriend upon introduction it's either one of two things. 1) they either see aspects of themselves at that age,  in them and  can only imagine the motives, priorities and ideas running through their young heads. After all it takes one to know one, reformed or not. 

2) they once knew a Jimmy (or whomever) type who has the same tendencies as your boyfriend and he ended up sowing his wild oats around the neighborhood and breaking many hearts in the process, on his way to jail! 

To say you grow more judgemental with age tarnishes the good nature of your growing intuition. Judging body language, first impressions and motives become second nature with maturity! Let me tell you how an xray has nothing on my mother! She sees through it all and I've learnt to rely on that and also listen to my inner guide for signs guidance. 

• Life is lived in seasons

Change is a big part of life that we face on a regular basis. Some change comes as a result of a conscious effort while some other change is simply out of our hands and we have to adapt to it. However there are times we don't see change and get frustrated because things aren't going our way. Frustration comes when we lose sight of the bigger picture be it a goal, dream or a promise or we fail to achieve instant gratification. The knowledge however that life is lived in seasons which are subject to change because as time remains, seasons will change and things don't stay the same, is sure to combat any worries and frustrations. It's hard to keep the bigger picture and hold on to this notion when times are hard. Detaching yourself from your problems, looking retrospectively and introspectively will give you the chance to see progress, appreciate and process. 

I remember being frustrated after my heart procedure, I was in a lot of pain, weak and unable to get out of bed. After fighting for my life I  was tired as I was on the outside, internally. It took me seeing that this was a season for me to build strength and character to restore some level of peace to my healing process.

When I looked back I saw what I can only describe as God's grace through tough times. I realised I couldn't have made it through and  it could have been worse. I spent a lot of time whining about the summer I was missing and all the goals I had set but was unable to pursue and accomplish. I felt useless until I looked at all the blessings in the process. I was able to reconsider my goals and dreams, a had a new found depth and appreciation for life.

 I was ready for the next season of going after my passion with vigour and accomplishing the goals I'd spent nights crying about not being able to accomplish. I got to appreciate that in the season I got to rest, dream, imagine, write and create as I had nothing but time. I simply couldn't be frustrated about things I couldn't change any longer  and this prayer came to mind:

• Worry is a waste of energy

This one is a daily struggle for most people as it is for me, I'm working on it and it's a daily effort. Generally worry is fear and dread of what could be that comes from not knowing an outcome whilst not being in position to change it. I'm naturally predisposed to worry, my grandmother was the chief worrier of the century and it's one thing I inherited from her that I've had to work hard to disinherit! 

Remember the last time you worried about something? I have two questions for you:

1) Did your worry alone change the situation and outcome?

2) That big old thing you were worried about,when and if it came true, did it kill you? 

If you're reading this I'm guessing your answer to number two is no and to number one is most probably no too! 

Worry is rooted in fear and fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. It gets you to live through potentially bad things twice, first time in your head (a dramatised version with the worst case scenarios and outcomes) and then when it happens. I've learnt through experience that worry is a waste of calories! I could be using the same passion and energy to either pray about it or do something about it. That's the thing, worrying is idle.   It only takes over when you allow it to do so and if you focus your mind on the wrong things. 

I had to say to myself, "my health comes first, if I can't change it, it's out of my hands and it's in better hands if it's not in mine. Some burdens are not for you to carry!" 

• Money talks but character speaks louder

I used to be impressed [keyword] impressed by flashy things, money, cars, designer fashion and all the trappings of an opulent lifestyle. I used to equate it to respectability and looked up to the person who had obtained it or displayed it. It was until I got to an age of interacting with men of a certain affluence and made friends with females with nice things. I got to see some of the shallowness [from not all but some] some people who were owned by their possessions and reputation. 

I dated a guy who had a money but didn't treat anyone, including me, with respect. That bubble burst quickly! I got to learn the importance of character over reputation and affluence. Picture a guy who drives a Spyker C8 and is wearing a Tom Ford suit, a Rolex, Christian Louboutin loafers and looks like the second coming of Pierce Brosnan meets Geoff Goldblum with a hint of Denzel Washintgon and smells like angel tears and cinnamon. Sound perfect? Well he does to me anyway I like old men! But imagine then being on a date with him and he talks down to the waiters, isn't attentive to you, shows up late with no excuse or remorse and won't stop talking about himself. All of the money and possessions pale to isignificance! Good morals and a good character are far more valuable than money and status. 

I've learnt that you must treat everyone the same from the janitor to the president. Treat everyone with respect, love and warmth and anyone who isn't capable of doing the same doesn't belong in my close circle! Remember reputation is what people think of you, character is who you are when no one is watching. 

• Opinions- if it doesn't pay your bills or die for your sins on a cross, it doesn't deserve your time or energy

This is self explanatory. This time last year I went through a character assassination by way of gossip and other low down practises at my expense. This was done by people I had loved and trusted. So much that I valued their opinions more than my family and despite my mother's warning about the people I pushed her away and gravitated towards them. When it came to my attention what had been said  about me and done to me I was so hurt. I've never felt no greater pain bar grief.

 This however toughened me. It taught me that I know who I am, I know where I'm going, I know my intentions and I know my motives. No one can then change that with their opinion however it's delivered, via gossip or to my face. Have you ever seen a "hater" that is doing better than you? Doesn't the notion of pulling you down itself depend on you being higher? So then count it a joy that you're polarizing! 

People will always talk, they will always have an opinion, as long as what you're doing is good and wholesome pay no mind to them. Don't apologize for who you are! What they think of you won't put money in your pocket stop staying up at night worrying about what they say or what they will say!!! 

• Your opinion isn't fact or bible

Again the same applies to yourself! We spend our whole lives developing and discovering ourselves. It's innate in us to to serve self and the whole idea of ego revolves around our natural predisposition to seek and serve self over others. We are quick to judge others but naturally justify ourselves. It's human nature and something we have to consciously work on order to be partial and empathetic towards others. So when it comes to opinions and what you think of others, it really doesn't have a bearing on their identity. Their truth and their motives and what they do and don't deserve doesn't revolve around your perception of them. This makes the concept of hate, jealousy and judgment null and void as it does nothing but harm whoever plays host to them. Be it in their heart, character and actions. Hate is pointless! 

For instance I was outraged Trayvon Martin's murder case. I remember vividly feeling an overwhelming sense of grief and anger when I woke up to the news that George Zimmerman had been acquitted of his charges and was a free man; on my birthday. His trial had been on July 13th 2013 and because of the time difference the UK where I'm  based and the US where the case took place and received wide coverage, I found out the verdict on my birthday morning on the 14th.

 I felt that he deserved his own quarters in hell's hottest chamber alongside the devil himself. I alongside a multitude of others, driven by compassion for Trayvon and his family, hated Zimmerman and wished every misfortune to befall him and his bloodline. However my stance changed when I realised that my hate for him didn't mean that he wouldn't sleep at night nor would it make it a difference to his livelihood. I chose to pray for the Martin family and rest in the fact that for every measure of evil there is a recompense. What Zimmerman deserves will reach him in due time, karma has everyone's address.

In the mean time there are other injustices that we can individually pray for and collectively make a stand in order to see change. There's world hunger, human trafficking and war that we need to consider and try and change in any way we can. 

• You only regret what you didn't do not what you've done! If anything it's a memory, a lesson or a blessing! 

This is pretty much self explanatory! I've learnt to embrace everything that comes my way. I've learnt that courage isn't the absence of fear but act of facing what you fear regardless of how you feel. This is something that I want to grow in as time goes by because there are some things that still invoke trepidation in me. I believe the change starts in knowing then acting on it so come back to me in a couple of years and I hope to be able to give you a fearless report! 

• Be like a child, think like there are no obstacles, be like a cat, always land on your feet!

I remember when I was a child, innocent, afflicted but not affected by some of the world's injustices. If I genuinely wanted something no one could dissuade me otherwise. My mother still speaks of my big faith from childhood, if I wanted something I would patiently wait and pray and one way or another I would get it. I'm talking from toys and dolls to books and money. If I asked for it, even if I got a no, I  had a quiet confidence at a young age that got the attention of my parents. I've tried to hold on to that despite the dissapointments we all face and the status quo that makes it seem unreachable. I've learnt to dream without inhibitions and then practically make attainable goals in order to bring those dreams into fruition. Whatever happens I know that if I land on my feet, I can always dust myself off and try again. 

Every failure is just another lesson on how no to do it next time. I found this quote encouraging: "Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps." 

I've learnt that the fear of failure should never deter you from doing anything you wish to do! 

• Success happens when opportunity meets preparation, stay ready, stay hungry, stay dreaming and stay grafting

This is one thing I remind myself every day! Not a day goes by that my dreams don't cross my mind and the goals I've set in order to achieve them affect my daily routine! I know that it will pay off one day and it's some work towards my brand. 

If you read this through to the end, thank you for bearing with me and my waffling! I hope you're encouraged and some of you don't have to make the same mistakes I made however I've never met a bad idea I didn't enjoy at some point so go out, grow and have fun but keep the injuries at a minimal! 

My food posts have a new home!!!! Please head on over to www.theravenousreport.blogspot.com

I've posted some recipes and will continue to do so along with reviews and much more!!!

Much love and many blessings!

Kymmiisha

Xo

New Year new post: Powered entirely by my phone because my laptop is being a diva. Including pics and recipes

Top of the New Year humans!!!! Forehead kisses and good will to all mankind! I hope you all enjoyed Christmas, mine was nothing short of Merry! I also hope you all are looking forward to a prosperous and productive year! Tis the season to make resolutions and my twitter timeline and Facebook feed have never been more full of hope and strong will with an equal dose of scepticism and nay saying. 

I'm truly in awe of the power of the human will and the depth of perspective which we all posess at the beginning of each calendar year. Almost osmosically, social media has been the megaphone for many resolutions and good intentions which quite frankly has been beautiful to watch. Everyone has either gone down the "new year new me" route,which is receiving the most amount of ridicule from the half empty glass tweeters and facebookers, or "I'm unstoppable and a change is gonna come." I admire the infectious positivity but also have a degree of scepticism which is however wrapped up in bows, balloons and all things pretty as opposed to my down right doom and gloom counterparts. 

I understand the thrill of making resolutions but we also forget to put into account the hard work requires to keep it up. It seem as if we have all the good will but missing the discipline to carry on at the best of times. My message has never been "don't dream or expect the best" but it's always been for everyone to practically and informatively make the right steps to a better future. This is irrespective of time, circumstance or popular opinion.

I decided to change my life and started gradually eating healthier in November of of 2012 and by March 2013 I was exercising with as much vigour as an Olympian in training. By April I was dropping dress sizes and by July I had achieved the silent goal I had made three years earlier at my heaviest, to lose weight by my 21st birthday. I say all this to stress the point that you don't have to wait for the new year to change your life for good. Change comes when you put action to words and stick to it! 

Before and after 

I say this to encourage all the people who want a change in their lives for the right reasons and have weighed all the aspects to practically go about it. I also urge everyone who has been caught up in the wind of the "new year new me" phenomenon to put thought into what they are saying saying. I congratulate you on being discerning and capable of brining change into your life, it's not an easy thing to do! But I urge you to have the courage, discipline and grace to carry on what you have boldly declared at the beginning of the year when it's in vogue. Remember those words and that same will power when it's raining and the trip to the gym is daunting, when you're emotional and all you want to do is drown your sorrows with cake but pick up a piece of fruit instead. It's then when it matters and counts and deserves a thousand retweets!

Speaking of food here's a run down of how I fed my family and myself over Christmas. Some of the recipes work all year round! Enjoy!  

Christmas face stuffing (pics and recipes)

2013 was very tough for myself and my family and most of our hanging out was done around me in a hospital bed and they were always worried and helping me in every way. As a result I wanted to treat them to a good Christmas dinner even if it killed me! I mustered up every ounce of energy I had and made them a feast. Let's not however mention how I fell terribly ill for a week later and was unable to get out bed for day. They were worth every effort and they enjoyed it so that's all that matters! 

Starter: Smoked Salmon salad with sour creme ramoulade

There wasn't any cooking involved in this dish which is why I chose it. I didn't want to add a complex starter when I was doing four courses on borrowed energy amidst a recovery and ongoing symptoms from the list of ailments I'm daily kicking butt. The only recipe here is for the spicy sauce and it was:

1 cup sour cream

1/4 cup mayo

1 tbsp dill

1 tbsp parsley

1 tbsp chives

2 tbsp spring onions 

1 tsp paprika 

1 tbsp habanero hot sauce (more to taste)

Salt and pepper to taste 

Mix everything and get right balance of herbs-sour cream-salt-spicy 

Adjust accordingly. Put in bowl to serve with the salad and garnish with a splash of hot sauce and chopped chives. 

Main: Turkey/ Salmon Encroute with red wine and cinnamon red cabbage, crushed and herbed new potatoes, creamed leeks and cranberry sauce

We had two mains, a side of salmon encroute mainly for my pescetarian self and a crown of turkey for the meat eaters. Whereas there's no one standard recipe for turkey I have tips to keep it moist and give it more flavour!

Turkey tip1- for extra flavour add herbs to the butter before you put it under the skin for the turkey baste itself when cooking. I used thyme, rosemary, chives, garlic and a bit of paprika alongside salt and pepper

Turkey tip2- since it was just a crown I cooked our turkey for the recommended 1hr 45min with an extra ten minutes just to be safe even when the juices were running clear (to check if poultry is cooked when roasting- pierce with a knife, press it against flesh and let the juices run, if cloudy it's not cooked yet and if clear it's cooked)

Turkey tip3- cover with foil for half the cooking time and then took it off to brown and crisp up. a) it makes sure it's cooked on the inside by keeping the heat from escaping 

b) it stops any garnish (bacon, herbs etc) from burning prematurely and being wasted 

Turkey tip4: Make a vegetable trivet ( veg between turkey and oven dish) from root veg. I used quartered onions, potatoes, carrots, celery and parsnip. The tip to this tip is to keep the veg cut very big so it's doesn't disintegrate when cooking. Try and and achieve a uniform cut so they cook evenly. These veg not only get all the flavour from the turkey and taste good but also if left in the oven for 10 minutes to crisp up, they can make a good garnish for your bird!   

In the left corner we had the salmon encroute which was every bit tasty and tantalising. This can be made all year round for dinner parties, gatherings and such.  I didn't make my own pastry on account of life being too short to make your own pastry for a four course dinner and I refuse to go into Tachycardia on Christmas Day from all the stress. Ready rolled pastry had to suffice and it actually worked well. I also made another short cut by asking for the fishmonger to take the skin off the salmon for me since my knife set containing my filleting knives hadn't been touched since the day I gracefully bowed out from my position as Commis chef at Brasserie Blanc; it made sense and it was free! 

To prepare it I greased a large, square oven dish. 

Placed one sheet of ready rolled pastry. 

Added the raw side of salmon on top

Topped with leeks (sautéed with garlic, dill, parsley and stirred in Philly cheese)

Applied egg wash to the sides 

Added top pastry

Folded in edges tightly, scored the top with a knife to let air out and brushed with egg wash. 

Cooked for 45 mins- 1hr on gas mark 6

Mains went with creamed leeks and red cabbage. I did the traditional creamed leeks. For the red cabbage:

Sautée cabbage with red onion and add cinnamon stalk. Add red wine and then cook in the oven with the rest of the food for 25 mins. I prefer to make a cartouche out of grease proof paper instead of a lid. That's how we did it in chef school and that's how it stuck! 

Instead of roasting potatoes I boiled mine  (baby potatoes) whole with skins on. Crushed and added sour cream, chives, spring onions, salt and pepper

Dessert and cheese courses: Christmas pudding, Ice cream, chocolate mousse and profiteroles cake,cheese and fruit platter plus coffee, port and baileys

This colourful feast fit for Roman gods was easy as 123 to assemble. I bought a variety of cheeses including Cheddar, Red Leicester, Brie, Stilton and Wensledale with cranberries. In lieu of my French culinary training where cheese is usually served with walnuts and dried apricots etc I went for grapes, crackers, breadsticks and persimmons which worked well. Try Stilton with crackers and persimmons, it's amazing! I totally mellows out the sharp notes in the Stilton, rounds the flavour up with a creamy finish!

The filtered coffee ended up making Irish coffee with the baileys with a hint of cinnamon which went well with the cheeses and desserts. 

The Christmas pudding was the best I've ever had thanks to Harrods, the profiterole chocolate mousse cake was also a shop bought delight which only required putting on a platter and dusting with icing sugar!  Usually don't take this many shortcuts but I've been unwell and on bed rest since coming out of hospital. 

Leftover Makeover: Leftover Birdie Pie

The next morning the unexpected happened, I felt hungry again! After the big feast the day before I never thought I'd want for another morsel of food but lo and behold, the whole household woke up ravenous!! Overwhelmed with the amount of leftovers also nursing a slight hangover I came up with what I feel will be a tradition in my house for years to come! I made Left Over Birdie Pie! 

I put the left over parsnips, carrots and stuffing in the good processor. 

Shredded the turkey

Put it in an large oven dish alongside some left over veg for texture, turkey bechamel sauce from the night before, paprika, dill and parsley and mixed 

Made breadcrumbs with the left over French stick, breadsticks a little bit of cheese to bind and some chives and parsley. 

Topped it with breadcrumbs and browned in the oven for 45 minutes. Served with left over red cabbage and a selection of salads (beet, coleslaw and green salads)

It went well with both red and white wine suprisingly! 

Deserted dessert:

Again I still had some leftover dessert and decided to do a frothy baileys custard and topped it with left over Christmas pudding crumbs, served with the profiterole mousse cake and Irish coffees ......And that is you keep on gaining weight, even the day after Christmas! 

The night after two nights before: 

The day after Boxing Day I still hadn't used the left over potatoes and for dinner I made quorn cakes with a Brie cheese center. 

I added flaked quorn chicken, spices and herbs (paprika, chives with salt and pepper) bound with an egg. Placed Brie slice in the middle of the patties. Baked for 25 minutes turning halfway though and served with a (mayo, honey, Dijon mustard and lemon dressing) salad and Shiraz. 

That did away with all the leftovers except the salmon encroute I froze which came to my rescue New Year's Day when the meat eaters where having a leg of lamb which I wanted no part of. 

I hope you indulge with the timeless recipes all year round and put a twist on next Christmas with the rest. If you have any food questions please leave a comment. 

I will be doing the Daniel Fast (Google it!) from the 5th for 21 days. I call it the meat free, Christian sister to the Paleo diet! With that I will be posting Daniel Fast, vegan and vegetarian recipes and a few treats along the way, in the month of January. 

That's all I had on my heart to share with you this time! Thanks for reading and don't forget to share and spread the good will and good food! Finish as you started, let's go ahead and keep at these goals till we see results! 

Happy new year!

With every blessing

Kymmiisha 

Xoxo